aterat | One Fall And One Less Bear

The words give Nida quite a bit of pause. Had he done something to suggest that he didn't want Ignis with all his heart? Oh, but of course he had, and he gets it when Ignis explains.

Part of him wanted to laugh at the silliness of the situation. The other part thought he understood. This was Ignis, and the two of them saw the world in very different ways, experienced it differently. Hadn't Nida been confused before by Ignis's use of the word 'courting', a term Nida would only use for a long term romantic couple where a proposal was nearly imminent? Did they not frequently find themselves in metaphors the other didn't understand? How was it that this had been that much easier with the last man? Then again, his lost love had been more of a romantic at heart, given to grand gestures and teasing metaphors.

Laughter, he knows, isn't best here. So he lifts his gaze to Ignis's, his expression soft and open.

"I want you, Ignis. I wouldn't invite you into my space if I didn't, I'm too private and too paranoid for that, even here. But I've clearly caused some confusion here. I didn't mean that in a bad way at all. It's... It's sorta an expression. That you'd be so good and so intense that I'd never want to consider another person again in my life. That I'd be destroyed without you. Which I know you wouldn't want, you're too kind for that. But I meant it only as light teasing about how much I enjoy having sex with you, and how eager I am for it. And you know what? I'd want you even if we weren't intimate. Trust me on that."

The look Nida gives him just steals his breath and takes it right away. The vulnerable look in those dark eyes just slays him as he stands there and tries not to get lost in those depths.

Courting was appropriate the way Ignis used it because that's how he saw things, dating just to date which wasn't his thing because he did long term plans and all that. But because the word had seemed to upset Nida he didn't bring it back up at all in any way, nor would he.

Fortunately or unfortunately this was Ignis' first real relationship and simply tended to take everything serious. He really didn't see the need for head games or any other type of things like that. And since he could overthink things he tended to need to be brought back to earth at times so to speak and grounded.

This was where Nida came in.

But right now those eyes were beckoning and the advisor listened to the words. He felt better of course now that he understood what had been meant. So instead of saying some things that he really wanted to say, he nodded once but then tilted his head to the side.

"And might I ask why you would still want me otherwise? Simply consider it curiosity." Ignis really was curious but moreover he really just wanted to make Nida his right then and there, to cover the things he wanted to say.

There's no helping the relief that washes through him at the acceptance he gets for his words. Good. He cleared that up. Really, one of these days they'd know how to communicate easily. Or perhaps they never would. But for now he was happy with what they'd achieved. Even if it came with another question. Though this one had his free hand coming up to touch the place where the rings hung around his neck, the pieces of jewelry on their chain hidden under his shirt.

No matter how much he cared for Ignis, or how much more he'd come to, there was no denying that he was only in this place and able to accept any of it because of the love that had come before. Because of the young man who had taught him things about being willing to trust and desire and be open with himself.

The one that had taught Nida that there was more to love than lust.

"Because I've learned that matters of the heart aren't so simple as the heat between bodies. Even without that I'd still have the warmth of your hand in mine, the safety of your arms around me, the blessing of the sweetness of your lips. Sex is nice, it's a great bonus, and sure we sort of started there, but we're people. Thinking, feeling people, and while one can live without sex, I don't think they can without the feelings of their heart. Not and be happy."

"Yes you would." Ignis agreed softly, squeezing the hand over his heart before bringing it to his lips for a brief kiss. He then lowered it and leaned in for a brief kiss as he let Nida's words be felt as much as they were heard. And even though they raised a question, and one that could be downright dangerous to ask at the moment, the man remained silent. That would come with its own procession of things that needed to be said.

The rings had been a reminder he wasn't this man's first relationship but Ignis didn't fault him for that at all. He too wore something of Noct around his neck as well every day even though they didn't have a relationship like Nida had.

"You do seem happy, since your fascinating eyes always manage to give you away." And sometimes it was the only way he could know what was going on. If he kept his focus on that, it would be fine. He could keep everything else locked up just like he was used to doing because it caused a lot less trouble that way. And Nida's feelings and comfort levels were far more important than his own.

"And you give away next to nothing," Nida returned, though there was no judgement in his tone. Perhaps a bit of wistfulness, but no judgement.

So much of him was about knowing how to read people and what they didn't say. But just as clearly so much of Ignis was about being unreadable. He didn't begrudge that the other man was just better at what he did.

"Are you happy?"

The question had to be asked. Because if he wasn't, Nida didn't want to be a barrier to Ignis and happiness.

Ignis sighed at what Nida said though it wasn't the words themselves in a sense as he knew at least here with this man he could stand to let his defenses down a bit more.

And just as he thought to apologize, Nida asked him that question. That had him worry some more that some of his polished exterior had to drop. "Yes I am happy darling." he answered honestly and sincerely. His hand attempted to gently flatten the one over his heart and he shook his head.

"Maybe I should say it more often to you so that you that don't worry. But I want you to be a part of my life and I don't want anyone else at all." Here he tried not to show it, so Ignis clenched his jaw slightly so he didn't say too much and ruin this moment.

The words would hardly ruin it. They might well prompt similar ones that were held back only by fear that they came far too soon.

Truly, if his brother were here, he might well be chided over falling too quickly every time. But he wasn't, and so there was no one to chide him. Just Nida and Ignis and the former offering the latter a soft smile.

"I feel the same way, my flame."

He nodded. "When I accepted the necklace that you've gifted me with, I was yours." These words were a little awkward for him to say because he'd never spoken them before. Other than that it was a recital of an oath which was moreover made to the Crown with no words being spoken of them being given to an individual.

But the more time he'd spent with Nida, the more he realized he had to come to terms with that. Many were the nights that he'd lain awake and cradled the man with him now into his arms as he pondered what he'd long fantasized about on Eos. That of course paled in comparison to the very real thing that he had now. The someone he had now could give feelings back and did making him feel more alive than he'd ever felt.

Nida didn't deserve half measures. He'd brought the advisor's world to life and brought so much joy and colour into it. So the man deserved all of Ignis and not parts and pieces of him, which was what he was working on.

Edited 2020-12-15 02:36 (UTC)

His hand slipped from the necklace, moving up to curl in Ignis's hair. So wonderful. So very, very wonderful. To be this close, to be desired.

"The very act of giving it to you was my way of saying I am yours," Nida tells the man, his voice soft and firm. Ignis needs to know that. To understand that.

"I just want to be yours."

Ignis smiled at the hand going up to his hair because that was always a personal favourite thing. And then Nida was returning the words in kind which left no doubts in his mind anymore.

So at hearing them, that sealed his fate so to speak and not in a bad way. There would be a change in the way he looked at his relationship with Noct since he wasn't the type to be able to have feelings for two different men. This relationship would have a future as long as he remained here or was able to bring Nida home with him like he wanted to. And those thoughts were some of the words he'd hesitated to say.

Ignis didn't want to make promises he couldn't keep, that wasn't who he was. So he would see if he could talk to the Aspects about that. If it could be arranged, he would keep Nida at his side for as long as the other wished it.

Leaning down slightly once more, the advisor kissed Nida gently then pulled back long enough to look into his eyes and speak softly.

"Then show me."

Places like this... they never let people go where they wanted. They made promises for no real reason. So Nida not knowing of Ignis’s resolve would be fine. He would hate to have his lover make a promise that could not be kept.

“Show you?” He asked instead, tilting his head slightly but keeping his eyes on Ignis’s, and that beautiful green shade that was so wholly one he loved.

“How can I do that more than I already do?”

Such high aspirations, and more likely than he thought. The day had been long and emotional, and Nida soon started to fall asleep, right against the other man, book sagging out of his loosened grip.

If he were awake Nida might have been impressed. He had such trouble sleeping through the noise of rain after all.

There was the tiniest bit of a chuckle and a shake of the blonde head. "You needn't do anything more." Ignis didn't want Nida to think that what he did was inadequate by any means. So he leaned down and kissed his mate again, taking it slow with soft lingering kisses.

Finally he released his hold on Nida's hand, the one that had been over his heart. And then moved both of his own to the other's waist in order to pull him as close as he could get.

The kisses were good, sweet and warm like a good, pungent curry, or a heavily spiced tea. He met each and let each go in its own time, ready to meet the next when it came.

The hands pulling him close meant Nida’s arm was free to loop around his lover’s neck, a weight to anchor him as he stretched up straighter to better meet those lips. He didn’t want to miss a second of those lips.

A soft groan came out as Nida slid his hands up. Ignis himself always loved the sensation though he found that he was missing that hand in his, the one that had been over his heart. His hands slid slowly up and down the other's back, trying to still 'talk' even if his mouth was otherwise quite happily occupied.

And then finally he slid his hands down a final time to cup that gorgeous shapely ass which made him let out a very satisfied groan this time. Not for the first time he wished he had more hands so he could do a lot more things.

Nida was a very composed man. He had been through many a strange situation in his life and he felt it leant him some measure of gravitas.

He absolutely blew all of that when he giggled over the hands squeezing his ass.

“I’m starting to think,” he whispered as a kiss broke, “that all of my working out is appreciated.”

The giggle totally caught Ignis by surprise and that had him pull back from their kiss. The comment had him let out a small laugh and shook his head. "Of course I appreciate the work you do on your rather beautiful rump." Here he was trying to be so very careful with the words he used right now.

Maybe some day he wouldn't have to be so highly guarded and could be a little more expressive with them. But at this moment it was far better to be cautious.

That one word was one he was avoiding as much as possible.

“Sing enough praises about my lovely ass and it will all go to my head,” Nida chuckles.

When the amusement passed he just smiled.

“And maybe I’ll let you enjoy it too.”

"Your backend is rather lovely. And while I won't actually sing its praises, I can most certainly tell you how much I adore it quite often if you'd like."

Hey if it made Nida happy and even if it made Ignis look like a fool sometimes, to see that wonderful smile? It would be totally worth it every damn time.

He smiled. "Well..here's to hoping that you'll allow me to enjoy such a delicious endeavour at some future point."

Ignis might be smiling but Nida looked shocked. Like he hadn’t fully expected a confirmation that Ignis would want to.

“Wha-, I mean... you would really, you know, want that?”

Somehow Ignis was now convinced he said the wrong thing. And he went back through his mind to his previous comments to check to see if something he'd said was so terribly wrong to have wrought that shocked look on Nida's face.

But then his head tilted to the side but he refused to let go of the man though his grip was light enough to break. His body moved to the side, trying to grab a bit of gravity and figure this out. "And why wouldn't I?" The advisor's mind was now in a whirl wondering if he was somehow pushing boundaries here.

"I don't just want.."

Nope, he couldn't go that route so he went back through what he figured was an approved list of things he could say and get away with.

"Is that not something you'd enjoy?"

Was he wrong?

There was weight to the implication, weight Ignis didn't know. One that left his stomach fluttering and twisting and dancing.

"I'm sorry, I've got you worked up over my own history I guess," Nida sighs, leaning forward to bury his face against Ignis's neck.

"You deserve better than me believing the words of a ghost."

He felt like he was losing ground here and couldn't figure out why. And just as he thought to let go of Nida the man was up against him and Ignis quickly put his arms around the other.

Of course the advisor had no idea what his lover was talking about here, but he held on, determined in his own way to try and protect Nida from whatever ghost was haunting him.

"Darling, I will always believe you over anyone in your past." That had him thinking, wondering if somehow someone from the man's other worlds would show up. "But we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But I'll be here for you no matter what."

"I'm sorry. The last man who ever..."

Who touched him like that, who wanted him like that, who had bedded him like that... Well, his scars were all over Nida's body, weren't they?

"Before the end, before he died, he said there was no way someone would ever want me like that. That they'd take one look at me and only see how I was his, and they wouldn't..."

Dammit. He hated his traumas. Nida took a deep breath and looked up into Ignis's eyes.

"I would really love it if you wanted to take all the time in the worlds to prove Elijah wrong. Repeatedly. In a variety of ways and positions."

He refuses to let that man haunt him now, when he had a good thing here. A real thing. And he knew if it were the last world or the one before, there would be others who would happily tell him the man had been wrong, had been an idiot and vile and not worthy of Nida's time. Here there was a lot less of that old support base. Ignis and Caelan and Jacob, and Nida would never admit how bad it was to the latter most of that list. Caelan knew some of it, had to so that he could help protect Nida from himself in case the darkness came for him again. But no one knew it in Ignis's detail. So it was really to this man he would have to look when it came to banishing his demons.

He had no idea what was going on, but he could feel Nida pulling back. However, Ignis kept a hold of his lover because he wasn't letting go. The advisor was normally very level headed and calm, and he fought to remain that even as his grip tightened on Nida's shirt.

The more he heard, the angrier he got and none of it was at the man in front of him.

So the blonde reminded himself to breathe and the pain in those dark eyes made Ignis want to hunt this man down and resurrect this prick only to kill him himself. But instead he forced a smile which was definitely forced at first. As he went on though, it grew more genuine.

"He's dead wrong. I want you that way and in every way you're comfortable with." This is where it got more sincere and his hands went to either side of Nida's face. "And you're mine now, just as much as I'm yours if you recall. So when I look at you, I will see simply that."

He'd heard those pleas and nodded as they went straight to his heart. "Of course. We can do everything repeatedly as it were because I am the one here with you now." The advisor moved in close and placed his head down close to Nida's and looked into his eyes. "And I am so very fortunate to have such a wonderful man at my side."

And that's exactly where Ignis intended to keep Nida for as long as he possibly could.

is this one better?

that one is sweet

it has a lovely partner in this one

yes it does

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject