aterat | One Fall And One Less Bear

"Indeed. You've allowed me to put all of the knowledge that I've acquired to use on how to pleasure a man. All of my hours spent alone in the Citadel, taking books back to my room and experimenting on myself."

He lowered himself back down on the bed but was sitting in between Nida's spread legs. Then he smiled. "I've finally been able to apply all of those lessons here."

With someone he loved, that was the promise he made to himself.

"Well, so long as I'm here, beloved, you won't have to experiment alone," Nida smiles, though he still hasn't uncovered his eyes.

"I admit, my learning was a bit more hands on."

Ignis smiled sadly because he didn't want to think about that. He wanted to think about happier things like them right now. And then the smile broadened a bit.

"In that we're the same since I am rather learning hands on. Books can only get one just so far after all." And then he slid a finger down from the base of Nida's cock, over his balls, under them and teased at the entrance.

"Hyne above," Nida cursed, feeling the slick glide of the cool finger. His skin was still so sensitive that it was almost overwhelming. And he cursed in another few languages just to be sure before he bit his lip.

And once the pain had calmed him some, he finally uncovered his face.

"Go ahead."

Ignis immediately reached for a towel and started cleaning his hand after hearing Nida using language he didn't understand but didn't sound good. He'd just go and they could continue this another time.

"No." His voice was firm.

"I'm sorry I've caused you trouble and I'll just go for the evening." He didn't want to be pushy and somehow he felt as if he had been. So he started searching for his clothes which weren't far.

What? Nida looked so damn confused as he sat up, grabbing for his lover.

"Ig? Wait, why are you going?"

Ignis wouldn't look at Nida and he had at least his pants in his hands. It might be a bit tough to get them on fully, but he could hang the button down shirt over it enough so that would allow him to get back to his apartment.

When he was grabbed again he refused to look at the man. And it took a moment for his jaw to unclench. "I've obviously caused you some sort of distress, and I thought perhaps leaving would be easier for you to handle."

All the while, all he could think of was that he didn't want to be or turn out like Elijah. He didn't want to hurt Nida at all.

Distress? What in Hyne's cursed name...

"Because I was cursing? My love, if you think that's a bad thing, then I don't know if you'll ever be able to fuck me, because I tend to curse a lot when someone takes me. It's not bad. It's just... It's just how I react to it. To the idea of being filled up, to the stretch and the pressure and how bad I want it."

There's nothing wrong with a bit of cursing. And hell, hadn't he made it clear that he had a safe word?

"Did you hear me use the safe word? Because I sure didn't say it."

Ignis shook his head and raised his gaze even if he knew there were treacherous waters in them now. "I don't want to fuck you. I've never wanted to do that to you. I've only ever wanted to make love to you."

He really didn't want to hear the rest right now either and swallowed hard. Then the advisor's head shook and he looked at the other, trying not to cry and wishing his voice came out steadier than it was currently. "I am the one here with you now so you'll have to excuse me if I don't want to hear about your past at the moment, as much as I know it's made you who you are and I love you for it."

Nida sighs. How can he even begin to explain it.

"I can't not be affected by my past, Ignis. I can't suddenly stop the unconscious reactions I have to pleasure. If... If you need to, I can try can cast a silence spell on myself.

So he can't make any noise at all.

Ignis tossed his pants aside and sat down on the bed. Slowly (in case Nida wanted to break away) he wrapped his arms around the man. "No. I know your past affects you, everyone's does. And I don't want you to be silent."

Words, words were hard and his voice didn't come out any steadier.

"I want to treat you far better than you've ever been treated." He couldn't outthink this so he had to confess which was a first for him. "I'm..so afraid somehow I'll..just not be so good for you anymore. But I always want to be the one you run to and not from."

Ignis. Oh Ignis. When the other takes Nida into his arms, he wraps his own tightly around Ignis in response.

"My dear, you ARE the one I'm running to. I don't want to run from you. I want to be with you. Badly."

But he doesn't know how to make this better.

"You need to speak your mind more. How can I comfort you when you're scared you did something wrong, if I don't know what's going on?"

Once Nida curled into him, Ignis put his head down and held on. But he didn't know how to reply to what was said. Who was he if he took down the carefully sculpted advisor armor? Who would Ignis be if he listened to his heart more and stopped over analyzing things and stopped trying to be the strong one, the confidant, the advisor?

Everything he'd done was to help Noctis. He built his life around him and the man wasn't here at the moment. Nida had been correct, he needed to live for himself and this was him trying to do that.

He couldn't answer those questions and his voice dropped to a whisper. "This night is for you, not for me." And where would he be if that attitude changed too?

"No, Ignis," Nida whispers, kissing his forehead. "This night is for us."

And that's the distinction that Ignis needs to get. A relationship is not only give. It's take as well. For instance, Ignis gave him pleasure. So now Ignis needed to take a moment to recenter himself. Which Nida tried to help along by massaging his shoulders some.

"Lay back, love. Let me show you."

He knows what Nida is saying is right, he just doesn't tend to think of himself. Since he was six his life revolved around another person. It was always consider them first because they are more important, take care of them, protect them, and above all, keep them safe no matter what.

Sixteen years of programming and that was the result.

The shoulder rub was nice and it did definitely help relax him but there was an unspoken protest in his eyes even as he did what Nida requested.

"If you want me to stop, tell me. That's how relationships work I hear. Communication. Which is a two way street," Nida reminds Ignis, his hands still working Ignis's shoulders.

"So would you please lay back?"

He didn't know what to say, but he didn't want Nida to stop touching him. Part of him knew it had to end though so Ignis nodded. "Alright, I'll lay back."

The advisor did so, unsure as to why this was being requested. But he did it and looked up at Nida, worry evident in his eyes.

No worry. Nida leans down over his lover, moving in to cease his lips in a soft, fleeting kiss. Then he kissed the brow above each eye. Then slowly, carefully, over each eyelid. On to each earlobe, and then the cheekbones. Down to the bottom of his chin.

"I love you. I'm here with you. I have a horribly dirty mouth, but it's you that drives it from me. And tonight is about us. About how we feel. What we want."

Ignis didn't know how to answer or what to say, so he could only go from his heart. "I want you and I love you too." All he wanted to do was touch and be touched, so he lifted his hand to touch his lover's face, still worried that he was somehow missing something important here.

All he's missing is the love Nida feels for him. The hands on his face have Nida leaning into the touch, smiling fondly.

"I'm going to kiss you and touch you until you feel ready to continue."

Ignis tried to smile but felt the tears slip from his eyes which he immediately lowered his hand to try and get rid of. He certainly didn't want to look like a crybaby in front of this man. But Nida somehow got his defenses down and he felt so exposed and so vulnerable.

How did people live like this?

Not fast enough. Nida leans in to kiss the corners of Ignis’s eyes.

“I love you,” he says. And then repeats it with another kiss, this time in Old Dollesite. Then another kiss and Trabian. If he spoke Esthari, he’d do that too. But he has exhausted his languages.

He's listening to the different languages again and trying to understand. And Ignis tried to smile though it was watery. "I don't suppose my name translates any different in whatever languages you can speak."

The question earns a soft, fond chuckle.

“I could translate fire or ignition or spark of flame if you wanted. They are a touch different, my flame. In Ancient Centran your name would be much the same as it is now, and mean ‘fire-bearer’.”

"I don't suppose there's any chance of you teaching them to me? Or one of them?" It was the same thing he was trying to do with the spoon thing, to have something just between them.

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