aterat | Owning your story

Entry tags:

Owning your story

Who; Yuki & YOU!
What; Planting
Where; The greenhouse
When; Today
Warnings; None, will change if needed

It had been a hard few weeks and Yuki went through his grieving process alone at home. He still went to work and still managed to spar with sensei but other than that, he was at a loss as to what to do. Shigure The Dog remained and Jacob had just disappeared pretty much right after their engagement. So Yuki had taken the ring and bracelet off and tucked them away in a drawer with the plans for the water garden they'd made and sketched out.

With Spring was right around the corner, he could only try and look forward to that, trying to tell himself that life went on. The Greenhouse was going to need to get going a little more now and working and getting out of the house a little more than he had been would do him a world of good. And that included plans to have Shigure out and about more too, so that would mean more walks outside with the dog. Fortunately the pup was giving him something to do and a reason to get up in the mornings more often than not.

So when someone approaches the greenhouse, he tried a small smile with a freshly potted plant sitting in a terra cotta pot in his gloved hands. There were several terra cotta pots lined up, all with fresh dirt in them ready for planting sitting on the sidelines. Yuki wasn't trying to be in any hurry to accomplish his tasks today though.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Because being of service somehow lessened the pain in his heart, even if only just a little.

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He really needed a hug or several. But as a kid who grew up unused to physical affection either due to the curse or coldness, it was hard to reach out or admit as such.

Yuki had been learning with Jacob and then that was taken away. But hearing sensei's words, he half wanted to scoff or say something caustic about time and leaving due to the pain he was going through. Instead he just lowered his head because those words got to him.

Deep down he knew they were meant and so his head lowered as the tears came out that he'd been hiding.

And then there was Nida, who hadn't been hugged enough growing up because of losing his parents. So he got that too.

With the tears, though, he moved forward to embrace Yuki. This much he could offer.

He was so embarrassed, crying in front of sensei. And he knew somewhere too that Nida had lost a student and possibly a friend with the way the two carried on at times.

Right now he was still fighting on hiding the pain and losing.

His ears detected movement, but he was unprepared for the hug that sensei was giving him. And almost against his will he leaned into it due to needing the comfort, even if in his mind he tried to tell his teacher that was alright.

It's hard, to be so vulnerable with another person. So Nida tries to give Yuki shelter, to pretend he doesn't see it.

"You'll be okay, because I'll help you find that place where you can love him from a distance."

Yuki was so grateful for sensei at the moment, but he couldn't understand how Nida could've meant his words. Somehow this time he had no doubt that Jacob wasn't coming back. So he couldn't comprehend loving someone from a distance.

He swiped at his eyes, trying to keep those damn tears from coming down. At the moment, all he could do was what he did, in a whisper voice.

"Thank you."

"Always, my beloved student," Nida said with a soft voice. "And now we're going to set some new rules. I'll be seeing you for dinner at least once a week. I'll pay, we'll go out somewhere. Or we'll bring it to your place."

He'll deal with dog fur as he has to.

That had Yuki pull his head up. Surely he hadn't heard sensei just say what he did? So his expression revealed more than just pain, it had surprise.

"Are you sure you really want to do that?"

And he could feel some new part of him breaking because he really hadn't expected this kindness at all.

Of course he had. Why wouldn't Nida support him even that far? He'd do more if he thought Yuki would agree.

"I don't ask for things I don't mean."

Jacob's loss felt like he was staring all over back home again. Sure he'd moved in with Shigure after moving out of the main house back home. But his brother had abandoned him and his mother at the time basically looked at him as a tool. So he'd kept to himself and shut down until Miss Honda had come along.

She had fallen in love with the cat and he had Machi back home, but then he came here. Now he felt that it was only to end up alone again. Yuki had thought about moving out and going back to an apartment since the house was just too big for him and the dog.

Sensei was just an interesting part of the puzzle here in this place.

For now, all he could do was lower his head. "Thank you."

"Please don't think me for doing the absolute minimum I could do to support you, my student," Nida said, his voice soft. "That's all I'm trying to do. I could do more."

He should do more.

"And in time I will, when I understand what you need."

Yuki risked looking up into sensei's eyes, even as he quickly lowered it back down to get those traitorous tears in check. "I appreciate what you've done."

The fact that no one else had really offered to help was his own fault, because he was just trying to muddle through this as best as he could.

So all he could do was attempt to smile at the kindness.

"I haven't done nearly enough yet," Nida answered softly. Because he hadn't.

"You are my student, and you are my family, Yuki. I won't let you do this alone. Ignis and I won't let you do this alone."

Yuki had no idea what sensei meant by not having done enough. Really, this was more than anyone had done for him here and then he felt himself freeze at hearing family.

He couldn't risk looking up at the moment and just blinked a few times.

"Family?" he finally asked, feeling that unfamiliar word on his tongue and he mentally listened as it rolled around his head. He risked another look.

"You..consider me family?"

Of course he does. Nida looked confused that Yuki would even question it.

"Are you so shocked to hear that, Yuki? I'm sorry that I had not told you that before."

The silver covered head shook.

"I..I didn't know. I'm sorry I didn't notice." And of course he'd had no reason to think so. Sensei was kind, but family was another matter. His own back home could only be described as 'eccentric' if you just looked at the surface. The curse was broken, and the spirit had told him that he was the last.

First cursed, last to be broken.

But now he was going through so much internally as he always had, so he hadn't even thought to look for anything like that here.

"It's okay. I'm not always the best at showing things like this," Nida said with a sigh. "Because I shouldn't have failed you so much."

Those words about failure had Yuki cling to them. It was something other than pain to hang onto at the moment. With a few hitched breaths, he looked up.

"F..failed me? You didn't do that."

None of this was sensei's fault.

"You were hurting and it took me this long to come and support you. Yes, I did," Nida said, his voice soft. "I won't do it again. Believe that much."

He considers briefly.

"Tomorrow, when you come over for your training session, we'll do meditation instead. With Julia. It may not be as much, but helping you emotionally is also my place."

Somewhere in the back of his head he didn't agree. Sensei was just that and nothing more, even if Shishou back home had been in the family of sorts. Well it was a tangent since he raised Kyo as a sort of foster dad, but he was there already.

"Okay."

It was all he could think to say to the kindness that he was being shown. And it warmed his heart as much as it confused him.

And sensei confused him further still with the insistence, but he was in no position to argue. "Alright, if that's what you want to do."

"It is," Nida says with a smile. "And if you want, if you need... I'll teach you to use Siren."

Somehow Sensei's smile was really reassuring at the moment and so he tried a small smile. However, that quickly faded as he realized what was said.

"I..I couldn't do that sort of thing, right?"

He wasn't from Nida's lands or anything.

"Of course you could. I don't think it's a good idea. GFs come with costs. They live off of memories, and so they will slowly wear away at yours. That's why I didn't think it would be wise for you to learn my form of magic."

But if he's hurting that much, maybe Siren can help some.

That half intrigued and half scared him.

"So, they can see all of your memories?"

This was him trying to focus on something else. He had plenty of time to drown in his sorrow later.

Huh. Now that was a question that left Nida thinking. He stepped back, tilted his head to the side, and closed his eyes. Asking Siren was required.

"She says not exactly. It's not that easy. But they can still find things that aren't needed and use those."

Yuki wasn't exactly sure what sensei was doing when he took a step back. But whatever it was, he waited patiently for an answer.

Once an answer was produced, he then understood. And inwardly breathed a sigh of relief because he really didn't need that whole Rat thing to come out.

"So..Siren said they would allow it?"

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