aterat | 002 - JACOB SPET. CATCH-ALL

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002 - JACOB SPET. CATCH-ALL

Who; Jacob Miller & YOU! [ota]
What; September Catch-All
Where; Carpentry Shop, Gray Building, Harbor & Market District
When; September 6th THRU September 20th
Warnings; None Yet.

CARPENTRY [OTA] MON THRU FRI; 8AM THRU 6PM

Just south of the Market District is the open air carpentry shop where Jacob has managed to find himself a job. It is a simple ship with the tools required to build anything out of wood and the materials to complete any smaller jobs with ease. The types of wood vary between pine, maple, redwood, cedar and cherry though only a discerning eye can identify the difference between them. There are some unfamiliar types of wood as well, darker and richer, perhaps a variation of mahogany though it is unclear what type of wood it might be.

Jacob is wearing a loose white cotton shirt he had purchased specifically for work and a pair of jeans. His only pair of jeans. He has some other pairs of pants but finds the city styles too uncomfortable for work.

Part way through the day, his shirt is discarded, revealing a simple silver cross that loops around his neck. He is never without the necklace though it's difficult to see without the sunlight refracting off the clean metal.

Sweat dots his skin and cools as the day progresses. Jacob can be caught in between orders, taking breaks to drink some water, sitting on a crate that has been pushed to the left side of the carpentry shop, in view of anyone walking by. Jacob is still proving himself to his new employer but he greets anyone walking up with a charming grin and clear light hazel eyes. He is excited to work and finds himself eager to fill the hours of his job with the more complicated tasks.

LATE NIGHT WANDERINGS

GRAY BUILDING/AROUND [OTA]

Jacob doesn't sleep at night.

He tries but his nights are cursed with nightmares that his medication used to silence. He'll fall asleep in the early afternoon after work, exhausted, and then wake in a cool sweat in the late evening. He starts pacing around his apartment or sitting at his window to watch the empty unmoving streets below. When this isn't enough, Jacob begins to wander around the floors of the Gray Building and then finally expands his area to the outside world.

He enjoys sitting in the courtyard between the buildings, staring up at the sky to find the familiar stars that tell him he's back home. It's a fruitless search but the act of looking is comforting in a strange way.

Jacob isn't focused on the area around him or anyone who might be passing by. If someone gets close enough, no matter how silent, his attention will shift to the company but otherwise, Jacob leaves those wondering the night alone. His thoughts are complicated and the cool night air helps.

A shiver trembles through him as the fall nights grow colder. "Damn it..." He rarely swears but sometimes it's called for. "I'm back to being kidnapped and I don't know what I am doing anymore." Saying it outloud doesn't seem to help but the tension eases from his shoulders as he closes his eyes and tries to sort out his thoughts.

HARBOR/NIGHT [OTA]

The cold air nips at his skin as his wanderings bring him back to the harbor. This is a strange place, one that he finds himself coming back to whenever he lets his feet walk without any input from his head. Jacob doesn't understand why. There have always been lakes or oceans in his life but the large expanses of water haven't held any further meaning to him. Why does he find such comfort from them now?

He glances up at the roofs of the buildings, making sure he's alone or checking to see if he has company? Jacob is unsure but after meeting someone on a roof of a building, Jacob has made a point to look up as well as out and around him. His perception isn't inhuman but he feels comfortable that he's on his own as he walks down to the end of the dock to sit at the cusp of the water.

It's getting colder but a little part of him, a child like desire, wants to jump in.

He waves there, in the middle of the night, looking as if he's ready to jump forward or run back to the safety of his apartment; uncertain but locked in place.

MUGGING [OTA]

It's his own fault. Jacob isn't a fighter and he knows that he shouldn't be wandering alone through a questionable district in the middle of the night but he can't help himself. Walking helps him think and he doesn't always pay attention to where he's going.

At first he's only vaguely aware of the small group of men moving around him. It's only when one of them moves closer that Jacob realizes that he's fucked. The men themselves are nondescript in many ways. They have thick beards and dark eyes, with crows feet around the eyes and withered tanned skin. Jacob assumes that they work at the docks or spend a great deal of time here though that information does little to help him. He stops when one of the trio blocks his path and notes that there are two men standing behind him.

Jacob is deceptively lean but three against one isn't fair odds. He offers what money he has on him but it isn't a lot and the group looks disappointed or perhaps they don't believe him. There is a loud shout as the first man rushes Jacob, grabbing his shirt by the neck and attempting to lift him off the ground but the mugger is too slow. Jacob moves, using his palm to shift the man's weight into his friends. For a second, it looks like Jacob has the upper hand but it doesn't last.

Both arms are quickly restrained, while the third man begins to punch Jacob in the stomach, venting whatever anger his life has left him with.

The strength leaves his limbs as his final thoughts exhale softly from his lips. "This sucks..".

BUYING CLOTHES [OTA]

Jacob doesn't know anything about clothes and his inexperience shows.

He looks like a lost puppy.

He walks from store to store and tries to figure out what he wants to buy. There aren't too many options but he gets the sense that there is clothing for working and then clothing for… not working. He isn't sure why there are such stark differences but he assumes that there might be fancy parties here or something?

Jacob exhales a tired sigh and looks absolutely dismayed. He needs to purchase a jacket for when it gets colder and at least another pair of pants. He isn't interested in fancy clothing but he toys with the idea of purchasing a vest or something to give off the appearance of nice clothing should he need it. It isn't common for him but he can hear his sisters voices in the back of his head urging him to do vear away from the practical path.

It's hard enough with his own thoughts, adding those of his sisters just gives him a headache. He tries to think of what Toby might do but his oldest brother is about as useless when it comes to clothing choices as he is.

Why is shopping so hard?

WILD CARD

[ooc; anything that you want to do through the month can be tossed under wildcard. I want to do all the things with Jacob and I am game with having a few threads going at once since I am sometimes slow. :3 Also anyone is welcome to notice bruising or any injuries from his mugging.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Something tells me I'm going to live my life here frequently worried over you, Jacob. The apologies are just a given now," Nida suggests, his voice a soft sigh. He did step back and let Jacob rise, though, giving the man space.

"There are safer places to clear your mind. I could show you a few? Otherwise you're just going to make an off-duty guard very, very nervous, and me not even in uniform to make the nervousness look like quiet intensity."

"Doesn't mean they shouldn't be said." He brushed his palms over his jeans before running his fingers through his hair. He felt better but not great. There was something about having his ass kicked that pushed down the confidence he was feeling in this new place. Maybe he didn't know what he was doing.

"Yeah and yeah. I'd like that." Jacob smiled a bit.

"I don't want to make you nervous when you aren't on duty. Maybe you should text me your schedule." He joked, attempting to bring some levity to the situation.

It's not that funny, dear. Not that funny at all. Nida sighs and gestures for Jacob to follow him.

"What you really need is a boyfriend to keep you occupied at night, and keep your cute butt indoors."

What? It's a fair observation in his estimation.

Jacob felt his face burst with heat. "W-what?!" He tripped over his own feet but managed to skillfully regain his balance with only a practice eye noticing his blunder.

It was too bad that Nida had a practiced eye.

"Thanks? I think but um... I'm straight." It was the biggest lie he'd ever told but it was very obvious that Jacob believed this. "Not that I have anything against that. One of my sisters is into girls and everything."

A very practiced eye. Good thing he didn't reach out to stabilize Jacob. Instead he's grinning. Oh the poor thing. That far in the closet huh?

"Jacob, if you're straight, then I'm the President of Galbadia."

"Galbadia?" He asked, his brow furrowed.

Jacob was trying so hard to change the subject. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't know how to think about it. He has had girl friends and has slept with woman before but he wasn't a pervert or overly interested in girls. He tried to respect them.

But there was doubt and being called on it only began to make that doubt grow.

"Where my parents are from. A country I loathe. And thus not a place I would ever run for election in," Nida says, because he's definitely stressing the point that he doesn't believe that Jacob is straight. The guy has made casual glances at him enough for Nida to be able to tell.

"Oh. Is it really that bad?" He rubbed his palm against his shirt, feeling the clammy moisture gathering across his skin. Jacob was trying so hard to change the conversation but it didn't seem to be looking.

"Look. Nida. I-"

He stood walking and stood there, confused and uncertain. "I don't know if I've given you the wrong idea. You're really handsome and cool and nice." That was maybe one too many compliments. "But I-" God this was uncomfortable.

"I'm to broken to feel things like that." Or so he believed.

That bad and worse. A story for another time. Nida was frankly glad it hadn't come up in their question exchange the other day.

"I am totally all of those things, except nice," Nida agrees, "but I get the broken. That happens when, well, what happened to me happened to me. Pretty sure I explained just how broken I am as well, you know why I wear these rings. However, being broken or not doesn't mean one's eyes don't wander. And that you aren't, in fact, into guys. Take your time. It's a lot to come to understand about yourself. But I think you can handle it."

Edited 2020-09-29 17:20 (UTC)

Jacob shoved his hand in his pockets and mumbled beneath his breath. "You're nice to me."

He began walking forward once more, semi following Nida. He wasn't sure how to get out of this conversation. There was too much to explain and he didn't know how to put it in words and if he did... who would want to be his friend. He had done something horrible.

"You mean those rings?" He found himself saying. "That's why you think you're broken?"

Jacob really didn't want to talk about himself. He didn't think anyone would understand what it was like. It wasn't normal.

Well, there was a very fair point. He was nice to Jacob. Which Nida knew was just because he didn't want to foster hostility. Or, well, so he'd want to let himself believe.

"They remind me of how I'm broken. About coming here and remembering next to nothing of the last places. Of a loss I can't even put into words. I know I loved him, more desperately than I know how to communicate. I know that when I lost him I came undone in the worst way. I know that I'm less without him, because he saw the best in me, he made me a different person. One that stopped seeing myself as a weapon."

One that began to see himself as Nida Nomura, rather than SeeD Nomura. One that had made him love himself. The thoughts brought tears stinging to his eyes, and Nida refused to let them fall.

"Without him, I'm missing a whole piece of me that I can never get back. Like a china cup missing the handle. Still functional, but brought and rough and worrying to look at."

Jacob felt bad for bringing up the rings but maybe they didn't have to be a negative reminder... maybe things could change. "Hey." He reached forward and grabbed Nida's elbow, pulling the other man to a stop.

They were standing on the sidewalk and while there were softly burning lamplights, it was dim and illuminated an equal number of shadows as it did light. "Here." He unbuttoned the top of his shirt and then the next button. He didn't really think about how this could be taken until he had unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt. Jacob wasn't wearing a shirt beneath but there was a silver cross resting on his clavicle.

"I wear this." He was very religious but he didn't want to get into that. His faith wasn't something he talked about a lot... probably because he was related to a god and it made him feel uncomfortable. "It reminds me that I am broken. What happened back then. It was my mothers. She gave it to me when I was 10 at my First Communion." A lot of shit had happened since then.

"Not saying that it's better or worse but I get it. For awhile, those memories were taken from me. I couldn't handle it. I know that they were trying to help but it made me feel like there were parts of me missing. Keep the reminder but not as an indication that you were broken but a memory that you knew how to love. If you loved once then it can happen again and maybe you can remember too. If life has taught me anything-" His mouth forms into a sardonic smile but it was somehow turned inward, at his own fucked up situation. "-through all the crappy shit. Anything is possible and its fucking frustrating."

Jacob didn't swear a lot but sometimes swearwords were needed.

Um, dude... stripping for a guy after you claimed you weren't gay is really sending mixed signals. But then Nida sees the cross, a strange figure for him as there isn't really an equivalent to Christianity in his world. There were so many questions to ask, including what a First Communion was. Thsi wasn't the time though.

"Love and I aren't really all that... friendly," Nida decides after a long and careful moment of thought on how to address this outpouring. "I seem to be a curse upon those I love. Upon him. So I don't know that what you're saying really fits. Maybe I am able, but maybe I shouldn't anyway."

"Yeah." His expression broke into a frown. There was a deep pain hiding beneath the surface; one that he had carefully tried to hide from everyone around him. "Maybe it's more similar than you think. I've managed to hurt... everyone who's ever been close to me."

And for some reason they still fought for him. Jacob didn't understand it but he was trying too, he needed to understand. "I don't really believe I deserve to be happy or to be... anything." He was afraid. "I try and be nice because I know I'm not nice. I'm so fucked up."

"Sometimes, I wonder what that feels like. To love. So maybe I can and I shouldn't anyway." He felt his heart choke in his chest and for a moment Jacob struggled to breathe. He didn't want to have a panic attack in the middle of all this.

"Look." He placed his palm over his eyes, as if to hide. "I just- I need to believe that you should love, that you can, because of not... then I shouldn't either. If we aren't somehow redeemable. Then what's the point? Why do we keep trying? I've fucked up so much. Just look at tonight."

Well, that was not what Nida was expecting. At all. So Nida does what he expects Jacob won't see coming. Which isn't a bad thing, not really. HE reaches out and pulls the other man into his arms, a gentle and concerned embrace. Very concerned.

"Come back to my place tonight. We'll have tea, we'll talk. I'll tell you how stupid it is to think that about yourself, okay? I... I have a very good reason for it, that partially involves me sort of driving a halberd through someone's heart. We'll just talk. Sounds like you could use an experienced ear, and trust me, I know this particular waltz backwards and forwards."

His breath caught and his shoulders tensed as Nida's arms circled him. Jacob's surprise only lasted for a fraction of a second before he relaxed, dropped his palm to Nida's shoulder and returned his friends embrace.

He wasn't thinking. He just needed someone to be there. He'd been trying so hard to be strong but he wasn't.

Jacob dropped his forehead against Nida's shoulder and focused on each inhale and exhale of air. It'd been so long since he'd felt stripped this raw. "It was a metal poll, a pipe-" His voice was low and shaking slightly. "But I missed her heart."

Nida holds the man, silent and thoughtful. Until Jacob offers the tidbit he does. Oh dear. Oh dear the poor man has hurt someone before. And not with the years of training that Nida had to steel him against the realities of war and suffering. Oh what a poor sweet guy.

What a time to be sworn off of alcohol.

"In your defense, it takes a lot of training to hit, and with a pipe, it's even harder, given the ribs in the way," Nida offers, his voice a bit detached. Clinical. Yeah, that can't be helping at all. Oops. Sorry, more calloused mercenary there than anyone really needed right now.

"Jacob, I..."

He doesn't know how to handle this.

"Come on, back to the safety of my room and a nice mug of chamomile. Then we'll talk. But I promise you, nothing you've ever done is as bad as I have. I know when I see someone redeemable. And as you're not the one I see in the mirror in the mornings, I know there is hope for you."

After all, one of them was a killer for hire, the other was a carpenter out of his depth.

Jacob exhaled a sardonic huff. "Yeah. So I've been told." It was because of that incident that Jacob never truly learned how to protect himself. He knew if he had known, his sister would be dead right now, and it'd have been his fault. It was better if someone like him didn't have power.

To his mind, his sister was an angel and he was her other half, a devil. There was no other way to explain it.

"Ah." Jacob cleared his throat and pulled away. He hadn't been crying but he wiped at his face anyway. "Yeah. That sounds good. Sure." He'd was still a bit shaken but it'd be obvious that Jacob didn't want to be alone.

Nida moves to wrap an arm around Jacob's shoulder to guide him forward.

"Just let me take care of you tonight, right? I know I can be frustrating, but I want to make sure you've got someone to help you."

Was it wrong he was already so protective of this kid?

Jacob wasn't sure what to do. It'd been an exhausted couple of hours and the lack of sleep wasn't his brain form thoughts into cohesive sentences. "Yeah. Um... thanks." He paused awkwardly. "Again."

It was standing next to Nida with the other man's arm around his shoulders that he noticed something.

"Am I taller than you?"

"Height is just a number," Nida mumbles in the way that people who are shorter tends to say. But yes, he is indeed shorter by a bit.

"And please remember that shorter man has kicked a lot of ass tonight and is still warmed up to put people on their back."

Jacob smiled though the expression didn't reach his eyes. His arm circled Nida's waist and he gently squeezed in what he hoped came off in a comforting way. "It's cool. It suits you and it's only an inch." Maybe two but Jacob really didn't care.

"You still think I shouldn't walk around at night? What if you teach me how to do that?" He wasn't trying to change the subject but he figured that topics could get more serious when they were back inside, in a safe space... with tea so he had something to hold in his hands that wasn't his friend; which was doing weird things to him.

What if he teaches? Well, that's an idea. Nida chuckles as he gets them closer back to the dorms. He speeded them up a bit, which meant his arm around Jacob's shoulders tightening as he shepherds the man forward.

"I could do that. I'm an instructor. And staffs are easy to improvise."

"There ya go." After that, Jacob followed without a word. He wasn't sure what to say. He was thinking about his sister and feel of the metal pipe sinking into her abdomen. He had been a child then but he couldn't forget how it had felt and how badly he had wanted to hurt her. How badly he had wanted to hurt someone who had loved him with all her heart.

What kind of monster did that make him?

Maybe he shouldn't learn how to use any sort of stick...

He looked up as the familiar dorm came into view. He had nearly forgotten that him and Nida lived in the same building. That would at least make getting home easier... in case this discussion went poorly. He didn't think that Nida would judge him but he also didn't think that he should be forgiven after what he'd done. It was something that he'd been working on his therapist with for the last several years.

Nida guides Jacob up the stairs, finally removing his arm from around the man's shoulders until he guides the man up the stairs.

"You know, you're a good guy," Nida muses as he ascends quickly. "I wanna get that statement out of the way."

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CW!! Just all of them involving emotional insecurity, indication of anxiety, depression and suicide.

CW: See above, add in murder

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CW: And now referenced alcohol abuse

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