aterat | The things found in the sewers

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The things found in the sewers

Who; Mitsuru + OTA
What; Mitsuru went to the sewers for a canon update and now she's back. And really sad.
Where;I. Coming out of the sewers , wandering the city, or the shore of the beach (July 13th). II. Coming out of the sewers from Mid-July onward.
When;I. Dusk July 13th/14th II. anytime from mid-july on.
Warnings;Potential talk of suicide, death, and depression.

I.

All it takes is one moment for everything to change. One simple moment for the shoe to drop and the world to stand still. How foolish she had felt when she had realized that she had forgotten the most important people in her life. Not only that but she had forgotten the most important events of her own life. How could she have forgotten the truth behind her father's death? The truth behind the cults and the mass hysteria that had enveloped the island? How could she have forgotten any of it? The heavy pressure of guilt weighed her down the more she thought about how they'd all rushed to the rooftop, where they'd agreed to meet, only to arrive too late.

Too late. What a horrid pattern those words had become. They had been too late for Shinjiro. Too late for her father. Too late for Chidori. Too late for him. None of them seemed fair. Mitsuru knew it was childish to think of it that way, as something unfair and yet what else was it? After all they had been through, after what they had fought against, they still had lost him. The price seemed far too high but she knew that it was a price they had to pay. The cost was the world after all, and her more pragmatic mind knew one person for the world was too much.

Perhaps it would have been easier to deal with it all had she not found herself going from the roof of her school to the sewers of this place. The clothes she was wearing, a simple white spaghetti strap with a flowing white skirt perfect for summer. A flower was meant to be on the hip of the skirt, she couldn't quite remember the color it was meant to be, but it seemed to have been torn off at some point. Come to think of it, she found her memories of buying the outfit clouded. Not just her memories of that, but also her memories of putting it on in the first place.

The clothing told a story of someone who had been lost in those sewers for more than a few days. Originally everything she had been wearing had been white, but now there were stains of varying colors that had diluted the white into a dirty grey. She was damp, finding herself colder than one should in summer. There was more than the cold though, there was also this increasing disturbing feeling that something was following her. She wrapped her arms around herself as she blankly looked around at the city itself.

"Aterat," she the words aloud with a hauntingly empty sound to her voice. Something wet touched her cheeks and she reached up to wipe the tears that were suddenly falling away. She needed to get out of the streets and...where? To the building she called hers in this place? Why was her mind so jumbled? It was both frustrating and depressing in a way she couldn't figure out how to place. In the end, she didn't choose to go back to the buildings, instead she choose to continue wandering.

Eventually, she found herself at the newly discovered beach. The sun was setting and in a strange turn of events for someone like Mitsuru, she found herself simply sitting down on the shore. It wasn't as though her clothes could get any worse than they currently looked. Besides, the state of her clothing was the least of her worries at the moment.

II. Sewers Entrance: mid July

Two weeks. One in the sewers and one fully back in this place. Since her return Mitsuru h ad kept almost entirely to herself. If she spoke to people, if she ran into them, it was solely on accident. When she had fallen into her own thoughts back home she had been pulled out with the help of her friends. That experience had driven her to realize that one needed to face pain and continue on for the sake of others. But how did she uphold that now? Now that she had been ripped away from everything right at the moment they had seen their friends body lifeless in Aigis' arms. There had been no time to process what she had seen there. Everyone had fallen silent as the full weight of it had come crashing down on every single one of them.

And then she found herself coming out of the sewers in this place. Immediately she'd found her heart aching for those she left behind. Realistically, as her memories had become less fuzzy, she had known they wouldn't notice her absence. It was not as though she too had abandoned them. Yet...strangely she found herself feeling...alone. The logical thought there would be to reach out to others, but she didn't. She couldn't find it in her to speak much at all. Everything about it hurt far too much. In this place, separated from the others that might pull her out of it, all she could do was blame herself. The Kirijo Group had caused Minato's fate. She had brought him into it. She had encouraged him to take the position as their leader. Did that mean that his death was on her hands?

Perhaps Akihiko would remind her that he was the one that had actually been the one to suggest it to Minato, and that Minato could have rejected the offer. Perhaps if Yukari were here she could slap her out of it again and remind her that they all had made a vow to fight on together. But they were not here and all she found herself doing was falling into her own depressed thoughts of the cost of their victory.

"One life for the world," she said aloud in that same hollow voice as she came out of the sewers. She held a rapier in one hand that was dripping with some sort of substance and in the other she put her evoker back into it's holster on her hip. What was this young red-haired woman doing going in and out of the sewers almost every night? That was anyone's guess.

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There wasn't a day that went by after Mitsuru had disappeared that Shinjiro didn't remember his conversation with Aerith, about a friend encouraging her to enjoy what time they had. He'd planned on it. He and Mitsuru were supposed to practice cooking together, he was supposed to teach her about things she'd never experienced growing up, but that wasn't meant to be either, was it? The Voidcryst, or whatever it was that pulled people here and sent them home, had decided it was time for her to leave and Shinjiro was alone again. He kept to himself for the most part, after she left, going about routines but not going out of his way to do anything else. He kept his ear to the ground in the hopes he'd hear about the redhead who spent so much time at the Historium or around town but he never heard anything.

It was by chance he heard the footsteps coming from the sewer entrance as he happened by, hat pulled low over his hair, shoulders hunched, just heading out of town to work, going through motions but not really enjoying anything. He looked in that direction, eyes narrowed in the gloom, and then widening when he realized who he saw. He didn't know what she was muttering about, but it didn't matter at the moment. He noted her rapier and her, clearly fresh from a fight, and moved closer.

"Mitsuru? Where have you been?"

Mitsuru knew that she should have reached out to Shinjiro upon her return to this place. Yet, as cowardly as it was, she'd pulled back each time she'd gotten close to it. What was she supposed to say to someone else when she barely wanted to speak about it herself? Not that refusing to speak about it changed anything. Perhaps she should be trying to process it, to come to terms with it all, but it hurt too much. It seemed so much easier to just tunnel her vision onto the mystery of where she'd gone.

Yet, she should have known she couldn't avoid him forever. Nor could she avoid that question forever.

"That's...a good question," she said with a tone that was hollow of any emotions. She brushed a strand of her dirty red hair back and looked down at the ground. "Home. I went home for a time." Though beyond that she knew nothing. It was strange that her memories of home were so much stronger than her memories of what had happened here. Despite having gone, she still had strange fuzzy memories of walking through the sewers. Those memories also had the strangest feeling that something had been hunting her. That was what had brought her back to the sewers, the desire to find out if there really had been something in there. Had she seemly imagined it? So far she had found nothing and that made her feel even worse.

"You went home." Those three words confirmed everything he was afraid of. She could leave at any time. She'd returned here this time, but next time, and he was sure there would be a next time, that might be the end of it. His friend inclination was to realize how futile this all was, and how fleeting, but then again, so was life, wasn't it? Anything could happen to separate people, it wasn't another universe's fault.

This was what Aerith had meant, that time was precious and any time they had to spend together should be treasured. He nodded, swallowing.

"Did you...come back through the sewers?" He didn't have a way of knowing she'd been wandering around them, or that she was hunting something that had been hunting her, but she had come out this way, and she seemed dazed enough for it to be questionable.

"I...yes," she said weakly as she blinked in some vague attempt to clear her own mind. Not that it seemed to help in any way at all. It felt like there were cobwebs in her mind that were sticking despite her best efforts. He had asked her a question. The question echoed in her mind, getting stuck in the cobwebs and leaving her silent. What was the question?

Did you come back through the sewers? That was the question. Had she? No. Yes?

"I'm not certain." She finally said with considerable hesitation. The question kept repeating in her mind and she kept trying to grasp for an answer. There were brief memories that fluttered into her mind here and there. They were somehow strangely mixed in with her memories of home.

"There was something after me?" That should not have been a question and yet that was how it came out. As though she wasn't entirely certain if that was actually true or not.

At that statement, Shinjiro looked over her shoulder toward the sewer entrance, frowning. If something had been after her, it could still be following. He didn't have a weapon but that hadn't stopped him before. Mitsuru, though, was in no condition to fight to spite how she may protest to the contrary.

He nodded and reached an arm around her shoulders. "Yeah, okay. Let's get back to the dorms and get you a shower."

"I...can get back myself," she said hesitantly and while deliberately looking down. There were so many things going through her head that she had no idea where to even start thinking. All she could come up with at the moment though was the insistence that she could take care of herself. The last thing she wanted was for another person to be inconvenienced or injured due to her actions (or inaction). Though...if she had been gone from this place...how long had she been gone? She blinked and looked up at him through bloodshot eyes.

"Are you alright? How long has it been?"

"I'm great." It was an automatic response, clearly untrue if his own bloodshot eyes and dark circles were any indication. He hadn't been well. After his talk with a certain other person at her party, he'd been working up to doing exactly what they'd discussed when Mitsuru had gone missing. He'd spiraled, if only slightly. He'd lost his chance, and he'd realized something about himself in the interim: he really didn't do well without someone to take care of. Back home, they had an enemy, and he could use what limited power he had to help them fight it. Here, he could make sure Mitsuru ate regularly and slept.

But for some reason, those lessons never applied to him, so he'd been cast adrift after her disappearance. Now that she was back, though, he had something to latch on to, namely getting her a shower and a hot meal.

"It's been a week, give or take." Exactly a week, actually, but she didn't need to know he'd kept track.

That was a lie. One glance at him told her that. Yet she wasn't quite certain why he would lie to her about that. For a second she said nothing as she simply looked him over with a rather intense expression and then looked down. "You hardly look great." The words were a bit weak, accentuated by a sigh of exasperation and exhaustion.

"Only a week...?" For her it had been months of new memories that were added on to everything. How was that even possible? Then again, how was any of this possible? Questions like that seemed relatively silly all things considered.

"Yeah, and this ain't about me. I'm not the one who crawled out of the sewer." And that was all he'd be saying about himself for a while, his focus fully on Mitsuru and her current situation, as well as where she'd been, what she'd been doing, and where she'd gone. Home, it was a lot, and it could mean a lot more than he cared to think about.

"Yeah." But the implication of her question wasn't lost on him. "It was longer for you, though."

"I was hardly crawling," she replied with a touch of defensiveness in her tone. Did she really look that awful that it looked as though she had crawled out of there? Perhaps she needed a shower and some sleep. A shower at the very least.

"It was..." she trailed off as she tried to recall precisely how long it had been. "It was about four months." Which really didn't seem that long when she said it, but so much had happened in that time. There had been triumph, joy, jokes, and then ultimately sadness all over again. A sadness that even now was leaving a deep haunting feeling.

"I know." Mitsuru wouldn't crawl, no matter how down or injured she was, but she did need a shower, and he was going to make sure she got home.

"A lot can happen in 4 months." Your entire world view could change, you could die. Had others? It wasn't important right now. Right now, what was important was getting her back to her apartment, cleaned up, and a warm meal inside her.

He knew. There was no reason to add to it then if he knew. The words echoed in her mind and she simply nodded and allowed him to lead the way back to the building. Her memories of here were a bit fuzzy but she could remember where it was and what her apartment looked like. How strange.

"A lot did happen. We forgot everything. Can you believe that? Only to remember when it was too late." And she felt so terribly guilty for that.

He could only guess at how complicated life had become after she'd returned, after all the revelations she'd had even before she'd returned home. He couldn't imagine what could have come after the death of her father, the betrayal of Ikutsuki, the realization that nothing was as it seemed.

"What do you mean you forgot everything?"

She shifted unsteadily, uncomfortably, and looked down. Shame and guilt washed over her as she tried to pull her thoughts together. "After the final battle, we simply forgot everything. It was as if SEES never happened. We forgot the truth of how you and father died, the truth in how we met and..." she scrunched her eyebrows up. "Even our friendships completely. I forgot Akihiko and everyone. It was as if we were all only dormmates."

Which...brought quite a few concerns to the surface of her mind. Did that imply that all of their friendships were based mostly around their existence as Persona users? Did it really go no deeper than that? Was she simply thinking too hard about everything? Quite possibly.

Shinjiro let that implication sink in. Without context, it made no sense, though he had a hard time picturing a situation in which it would make sense. It hurt, the idea of being forgotten, of his death having lost what little meaning it may have had. Did that mean that Aki had forgotten, too? He shook his head, warding away his own concern. This wasn't about him. It was about Mitsuru. All the what-ifs and maybes didn't matter to him, anyway. He wasn't there regardless.

"When...did you remember? When you came back here?"

He wasn't sure why, but it seemed like an important distinction.

"No...on graduation day our memories came back. We had all agreed to meet on the roof to celebrate but..." she trailed off and still kept her gaze down on the ground. She wasn't entirely sure how to say this or if she even wanted to and the silence dragged on for a few long seconds. Finally she spoke in a whisper.

"Minato was gone by the time we got there."

He took an odd sort of comfort in the idea thst his friend remained friends even if they didn't remember why but frowned at her hesitation and at the strange sense of foreboding that came with her claim.

"What do you mean he was 'gone'?"

"Dead." She said flatly. Surely he had known what she meant, why did he have to force clarification? "In order to stop Nyx it seems he had t sacrifice himself. I think perhaps...Ryuji was able to give him a bit more time with those he had formed bonds with?" In all honesty, she wasn't quite certain why it had taken so long. It seemed...cruel that they had been given false hope. But then again, hadn't the entire situation been cruel all on it's own?

It was harsh of him to force her to relive it, he knew that and he didn't ask any further questions, though another, new one, was currently burning at the tip of his tongue. Who's Ryuji? But he wouldn't ask, not right now.

He was quiet for a moment as they walked, jaw clenched, thinking about all they had to sacrifice for someone else's greed, and how responsible Mitsuru felt for all of it, even now, when something probably beyond their control considering they were all effected happened, she blamed herself for forgetting.

"I'm sorry, Mitsuru." It was such a pale response, so...insufficient, but it was all he had. He was sorry for abandoning them, he was sorry for leaving, he was sorry he wasn't there for them when they needed him most, he was sorry they had to shoulder this burden alone. All he could do now was help her here, in this weird limbo, and hope it was enough.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry for," she said shaking her head at his response. She put her arms around herself protectively and fell silent for a few seconds. "I didn't want to tell you. It seemed...cruel. To tell you that we succeeded only to add that it was at the cost of his life." Perhaps thinking of another right now was odd, but it was all she could do. Somehow thinking of others was just...easier.

"We found out about Strega. They were working for Ikutsuki. They...they were artificial Persona users created by my grandfather." Once again it all went back to the Kirijo Group and their actions.

He was shaking his head before she even finished. "I'm your friend, Mitsuru. We did enough hidin' shit. There's no reason for you to hold it all by yourself, not here." Here, he could do what he could to help her hold it. He had no idea what that looked like, but damn it he was going to try.

His expression shifted to confusion at the explanation of Strega, though. "What do you mean artificial? How's that even possible?"

"I know...you're right, but..." she sighed and squeezed herself a little tighter. He was right, but it still had seemed like a lot to tell someone. Or Perhaps it was more selfish than that. Perhaps it was more to do with her not wanting to think too much on it herself. Talking came with questions, which was a proven point as he asked his follow up question.

"I'm afraid I lack the details. But it seems they took orphans off the street, children nobody would miss, and forced them to develop a Persona. I...can't help but wonder if the experiments my grandfather did on me didn't play a role." Had he used information gathered from his studies on her to alter the members of Strega? "Perhaps that was one of the reason Jin had such disdain for me." It must have felt terrible for him to know she was subjected to experiments as well, but then allowed to leave and live a life outside of it all. Meanwhile, they were given no life at all, while also knowing that their lives were cut short due to the medication. "The Kirijo Group created the suppressants."

"But nothin'. We're all we've got here, Mitsuru." But he would not let her think she didn't have him.

He wasn't surprised to learn the Kirijo group was responsible for the development of the suppressants. It wasn't as though there were many groups experimenting on Persona users, at least not that he was aware of.

"It's not your fault if they did. They were your grandfather's choices. You get that, right?"

"I--" she hadn't really expected that from him but it did manage to bring a trace of a smile to her face. "You're right." A part of her wanted to lean on him, to move just a bit closer, but she kept a distance. It was what she was ultimately used to. Perhaps there was a reason everyone called her the ice empress.

"I understand that it was my grandfather and Ikutsuki. It seems a considerable amount of the experiments Strega underwent were at his hands." And it disgusted her to no end to know that she had simply missed that all. She'd trusted him so much only to be so terribly wrong. "However, it's hard to not feel some responsibility after their final moments. What happened was..." Pretty awful

Yeah, he was right about that. Maybe she deserved someone better to be here with her, someone who hadn't quit when they'd needed him the most and forced them to turn to whatever Persona users they could find to stop something they didn't even understand, but she didn't. She had him, and he was going to make that count for something.

"Terrible. I'm sure, but no more so than trying to, what, end the world? Think of all the victims of Apathy Syndrome, the people the shadows hurt, all of it. What happened to Strega was no worse than what happened to you, to your father, to Minato. It's all shit, Mitsuru. All together."

If he voiced that she would counter that he more than likely deserved better than herself. After all, he wouldn't have died the way he had if not for her recruiting Akihiko. They had discussed that already though and she saw no point in exhausting herself further by touching that subject again. They both had differing opinions on fault and it seemed as though they could not come to an agreement. At least not while she still held so much resentment for herself.

She let out a heavy sigh. "I would say what happened to them was quite a bit worse than what happened to me." Though she did like to exist in a world of denial where she pretended her childhood hadn't been awful and the responsibility of SEES hadn't been a problem.

One day she'd accept that he was responsible for the choices he'd made, but today was evidently not that day.

"It ain't a contest, Mitsuru." Everything was awful equally, if the truth was told, "And it doesn't matter, either. Who wants that award, anyway?" The worst childhood award? Hard pass.

"Of course it's not." she said with an exasperated sigh. "But you act as though I had something horrible happen to me as a child, like them. I didn't. I made my own choices. They had no choice in the matter." That was the real difference. Strega had just been picked up off the streets and thrown into this mess.

"Sure, whatever. I can't help them, though." And his relationship with the three of the was complicated to put it mildly.

"It's not important right now. Let's just get you home." Home. Was that really what this place was? He supposed it was for him at least. He didn't exactly have a choice in that anymore, or anything to go back to.

She was certainly content to not discuss things any further and so she simply nodded. "Alright."

They spent the rest of the trip in a strange but almost comfortable silence. Shinjiro wasn't a talker and he was content to travel in silence, keeping a quiet watch over her for any hint of how she might be doing that hadn't been stated. Mitsuru wasn't one to openly complain about anything, so it would take observation to know whether or not she needed medical attention or something like it.

Once he'd gotten her to the apartments, he led her to her door and looked over at her expectantly. "I don't know where you keep your key."

"Ah...I..." she paused awkwardly and then fumbled into one of her pockets to pull out the key. Her hands were a bit unsteady as she unlocked it, but she was determined to do it on her own. Once they stepped in he'd probably be unsurprised to note she hadn't really done much in the way of decorating. In fact, in a lot of ways it looked like a place that absolutely nobody lived in. The furnishings looked exactly as they had when anyone first arrived and there didn't seem to be any additions added from her, including food or drink. Mitsuru was...decided not used to taking care of herself on her own.

"I'm afraid I wasn't particularly prepared for guests..."

"Or stickin' around." He frowned as he looked around the apartment. "Alright. Why don't you go get a shower and I'll see if I can throw something together for us to eat." Which would mean heading to his own apartment, but it wasn't far. He didn't mind the lack of decor, his apartment didn't look much better, save for some equipment he'd purchased to make various things with.

"I do think I will take a shower," she replied still with a dull a tone as she headed towards the bathroom. "There's no need for you to fix food though. I appreciate the offer, but I am certain there are other things you could be doing." Instead of waiting for him to answer she simply stepped into the bathroom and started up her shower.

Shinjiro didn’t reply as she made her way to the bathroom, unable to think of one single thing that could be more important for him to be doing right now than making sure she has a hot meal. He ran upstairs to his own apartment, rustling through his pantry to find something he could throw together. After a moment, he'd grabbed sardines, miso paste, some green onions, and tofu as well as some leftover rice from lunch. It might not be what she was used to, but it was a robust and filling miso stew that he at least hoped she'd like.

She'd find him in the kitchen when she finished up, having brought his own utensils due to her lack of them.

Edited 2022-09-04 03:40 (UTC)

Mitsuru had expected Shinjiro to be gone by the time she came out of the shower. Which meant she came out wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around her body, complete with her hair tucked up in a second towel. Of course once she got nearer to the kitchen she awkwardly realized he was still here.

"I...you stayed. You didn't need to make me anything, Shinjiro," she said while clinging to the towel with a blush on her face.

He turned to look over his shoulder at the sound of her voice, and then his cheeks went pink and he turned back to what he was doing with renewed attention, clearing his throat.

"I ain't here for objections, and it ain't much. Go, uh, do what you need to do. It should be ready soon."

Meanwhile she came further in to try to see what he was doing, all while tightly clutching her towel.

"It smells quite good," she said with a hint of curiosity in her tone. Perhaps she was more hungry than she had realized that she was not rushing to put actual clothes back on.

He was doing his model best to ignore Mitsuru's existence in nothing but a towel, but it was difficult. He kept his gaze firmly on the pot he's stirring, nodding at her question.

"It's just a miso paste soup, nothin' special."

Her stomach growled and her face immediately turned a bright red. "I look forward to tasking it regardless of how special you think it is or not." Her voice was a bit rushed as she started to back away towards her room. "I will be right back."

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The things found in the sewers

Sewers Entrance

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