aterat | Lets Make a Deal

Entry tags:

Lets Make a Deal

Who; Illyana || OTA
What; Crystals!
Where; City | Network | anywhere??
When; Any point during event
Warnings; Will update if any come up.

A. OTA | City in the evening/night

To say that Illyana was unhappy about the current situation was almost the understatement of the century. The worst part was that she wasn't even sure what she found more irritating: the idea of her own memories being out there for someone to find or being forced to see the memories of other people. Both had their own set of problems that ultimately led to her disappearing to her own dimension far more often than not lately. Which was starting to lead to it's own unique Limbo-centric problems. Perhaps there was something to be said for it being a bad idea to just hide away from complicated emotions.

Perhaps.

Or perhaps not. It still seemed like the most viable option to her. Unfortunately, she had to come back eventually. That didn't mean she had to seek out people though. In fact, she was practically going out of her way to try to avoid them. She wasn't alone though, a few of her imps were there with her.

"If you find any crystal with a memory of mine, bring it back at once," she said sharply to one. "And if I find out you looked too long at one it'll be recorder concert for eternity. No breaks." With that she pulled the hood of her coat up and went back towards her own building.

B. Network | Audio

[ Illyana's voice is curt and cuts right to the point without any pause. ] If you find a crystal that has anything to do with me, I'll send an imp to retrieve it. Look at it too much at your own peril. I can tell you the last person to peer into my memories found herself regretting it. [ Does she sound...proud of that...? Maybe. It was kind of funny. ]

People only see things if I want them to. That is how this works. [ And how dare this place not respect that she's a sorceress supreme. It's just rude. ] What's the point of being
a sorceress supreme of a realm if you don't have perks and protections? [ There is no point really. It's pretty awful in general. ]

I'll gladly return any I found to their owners and we can all agree it did not happen. Isn't that a generous and fair deal?

C. Other

Anything specific you'd like to do? Feel free to do it! I'm game for anything.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"You shouldn't defend them. It sets a precedence." Next think you know they'll be expecting equal treatment and to not have everything blamed on them. That just sounds terrible.

"How...sentimental." Well, at least he wasn't being a hypocrite. That should count for something shouldn't it? Probably. Though, to her it really just came off as a bit frustrating. It was even more frustrating to be called on just locking herself in her room.

"It's a nice room." So there. He wasn't going to let it go though, she knew people like this and she knew he wasn't entirely in the wrong to not let it go. They should talk. It was what a real girl would do and she had said she wanted to at least pretend to be one. Of course that was before she realized how complicated and confusing it was.

"Talk then."

He saw a lot of himself in Illyana. It wasn't that they were particularly similar or had matching personalities but the things she did reminded him of when he'd been rescued from his captivity. He had been closed off from the world and from those who had wanted to help him. After everything that he'd done, after all of his obsessions had come to light... he knew that he was a monster.

Even now. He couldn't deny his darkness and he stopped trying to. He just pretend it wasn't there.

He felt hallow.

It was possible that he was projecting these feelings onto her but after what he had seen. It was hard not to. He didn't remember Illyana ever talking about herself like she was human.

Jacob inhaled and exhaled slowly before speaking. "I saw you take a soul and... I recognized the feeling that you felt at that time. That's all. I didn't think-" He breathed again and continued. "I didn't think I knew anyone who knew what that emptiness was like." Even after everything he's done to recover, he found it difficult to feel any emotion with great intensity. Everything was dulled.

She cast her eyes down and the seconds began to pile up as a cold silence gripped ahold of her. What was there to say to that? There was no defending what she'd done. Some tried to. Sam was especially fond of defending it. She bit down on her lower lip. She missed Sam. What a strange feeling. He'd defend it. They all had in their own way. It became a matter of the original New Mutants against the newer mutants. Had she had all of the pieces of her soul back together then she may have found it flattering. As it stood though, she couldn't help but think it just showed naivety. Blind loyalty.

It was odd though. Even back then she'd felt a swelling of appreciation towards them. Appreciation that mixed dangerously with hints of resentment. Emotions were far too complicated.

And now it was all being brought back up again, except this time there was no Sam to stand between her and what happened. There was no Piotr to step in for her and insist that she was his Snowflake and anyone that spoke about what happened in Limbo would answer to him. There was just her. Her standing with her eyes cast down refusing to even consider looking up at Jacob.

"Ah, Pixie," she said quietly. "I needed it and she was more than willing to give a piece up." Her words were flat, as if she were just reciting a fact. "I didn't have one of my own at the time and it was making reclaiming Limbo...difficult." And that had been all that had mattered to her: victory over Belasco. She swallowed and finally cast a glance over to him.

"Have you lost your soul before? Or just had pieces chipped away?" Too few people understood the fragility of a soul. They thought that Satan showed up with a contract and poof, that was it, your soul was gone. It was easier to think of it that way. The truth, in her mind at least, was that a soul was a delicate thing. Deals and excessive use of the black arts were hardly the only way that a soul could be tainted.

Jacob nodded his head to let Illyanna know that he understood and was accepting her words at face value. He had been in many situations where people had to sacrifice to win. He understood the need and cost to achieving goals and found her explanation reasonable without knowing the full situation.

"Pieces. Probably." He shrugged. "I can't really see my soul but I probably have one. I think souls grow back over time, with healing and sometimes magic. My sister can create souls and give them to people or animals... or objects. So I assume if I didn't have one she'd let me know." He really didn't understand it.

"It's hard to explain to someone what's it like to feel nothing." He hadn't hated the feeling. He still didn't hate it. He didn't have any feeling about it.

"Everyone has one," she tilted her head. "I could see yours if I wanted to look." But she didn't particularly want to look. She let out a bitter sounding brief chuckle and shook her head.

"How quaint that souls can heal or grow back in your world. They don't in my own." It'd have made her life easier she imagined. Or perhaps it'd have made it harder considering all the things she ended up having to do. "Anyone with the magical knowledge in my world can take a soul and use it for other things. Very few hold that knowledge though." Which was for the best most likely.

"Especially when they believe you should be feeling something. Or when you know you should be feeling something and yet...don't." Usually she wouldn't have offered so much, but he could relate and that was...nice. Strangely nice. Though, that didn't change the fact that her tone sounded a bit hesitant and confused as she spoke.

"Yeah." Jacob agreed softly. He had talked about a lot of his trama but not about the lack of remorse of feeling he had felt at that time. Even now, there were moments where there was nothing. It was weird to talk about but only because he didn't know if there was a way to vocalize the experience.

He shook his head. "Don't look. That doesn't sound like it'd be pleasant for you." He knew that his soul was missing pieces and he didn't really want the confirmation. It was easier to think that it was fine.

"But yeah. I sometimes... pretend." He shrugged again, uncertain of how to go on. This was super awkward. "Like, I act nice because I know I'm not." His family wanted him to be healthy and okay, so he tried his best to stop their nagging. "I don't care. If that makes sense." There were things he cared about now but it was difficult for him and sometimes he felt nothing at all when he knew he should.

"It'd be less pleasant for you than me. If I wanted to, I could even take a piece. I created a sword from what was left of mien once upon a time. What do you think you'd make?" It was easier to act sinister and play up things with questions like that than it was to really think about the feelings that came along with the topic.

"Someone once asked me if the return of a soul meant I was a real girl again. All I could tell her was that at the very least I could pretend it did." Which wasn't something she was exceptionally pleased to admit to. She wrapped her arms around herself self-consciously. "It makes sense. You know what's expected of you, so you offer that. Sometimes only because it's how you know you should act." Her shoulders slumped slightly, this was definitely awkward to discuss. "It was easier not to care."

Jacob considered her question before shrugging. "I have no idea. It depends on what it's based on." He thought about it a little longer but eventually shook his head. "You're welcome to if you want. I don't think I'd notice... others might." It'd likely piss off his boy friend but maybe no one would notice. He'd still act like he was trying to be good and considerate.

"It was easier not to care." A part of him missed his lack of empathy but that same lack of empathy caused him to stab and abandon his sister. "I can agree with that."

He sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "I don't know if people really need souls or not. I don't really know what a soul is. If it's a conscience then other people can do the job, can't they? We just have to listen."

"It's based on your soul of course," she said with a upturned grin. "I don't want it. Never again." It was said sharply and in a tone that indicated it was a subject better dropped.

"Much easier. It's so much more complicated when you feel things." Especially things that she didn't understand and there were so many of those things. It felt like an endless abyss of things she just didn't understand.

"It gets more complicated when they want you to answer questions."

And he was happy to drop the subject.

"Yeah." Jacob scratched the back of his head remembering past conversations with his sister. "That's probably why I tend to avoid it. Seeing someone else's reaction makes me feel like I'm not reacting enough." It was strange and impossible to explain but he was selfishly happy that he found someone who understood.

"Who knew we had something in common." He snickered as if it had been an unexpected development. "If you need someone who gets it, let me know and-" He shoved his hands into his pants pockets. "I hope I can do the same. It's hard to find someone to talk to about this stuff."

He might never talk to her about this after this moment but it was always nice to have the option.

"I understand. It's why I often avoid most people. Back home I used to retreat to Limbo, it was...easier there. In a strange way." It shouldn't be easier in a hell dimension, but she'd known that place so well and for so long. "My brother would often get frustrated with how often I escaped to it." It'd be more accurate to say with how often she fled to it, but nobody needed accuracy here.

"Pixie asked me if the return of my soul meant I was a real girl now," she shrugged. She really wasn't sure if it did or not. There was some hesitation in her speech that was a bit uncharacteristic. Mostly it came from speaking of the purple haired girl whose soul she'd stolen. There was no point in hiding the bit of shame she felt in regards to that situation. It wasn't as though she could change it and truth be told, even if she could change it, she wouldn't. It had gotten her what she'd needed. "I told her I would at least pretend. I have done a poor job of pretending."

It was even more strange that she offered so much about herself just then and she even looked slightly surprised by it. He'd offered but it still felt weird.

"I just tried to be alone. I didn't really have anywhere to escape to. At least nowhere I couldn't be followed." He would have liked the escape but his life didn't make that easy. He always had someone who cared about him and needed to know where he was. It was flattering but also inconvenient.

Jacob stepped forward and lightly tapped his knuckles against her shoulder. "Soul or not, you feel real to me." He grinned, knowing that he was being cheeky and purposely misunderstanding her statement.

"But yeah, I've found that pretending takes practice. Only disastrous things happen over night." At least that has been his experience.

"Unlucky for you." Her lips quirked upwards for a second in a smirk. Limbo was the only place that people usually couldn't follow her. In fact sometimes she took great offense to people entering into it without her knowledge.

She tensed at his touch despite how brief it was and shook her head. "How does real even feel?" It wasn't a genuine question.

"Maybe you could teach me."

"Me, teach?" Jacob grinned. "It would be easier with a TV and a whole mess of Disney movies." He wasn't kidding either. A lot of his efforts came from watching various happy movies with his sister. He didn't want to tell her that he wasn't interested when she was going out of her way to try and spend time with him.

"The biggest thing is just to try and think about how someone else feels. Even if it's not something you can understand. It's pretty obvious when someone's happy, right? So when they aren't that, just ask what's wrong. Pretend to listen and repeat things they say back in your response to make them think they have your attention." He sounded like an ass when he said it all out loud but they were the methods he used when he was first trying to interact with people again.

"I'm not sure if I'm prepared for that kind of torture," she said with a strange laugh that was almost a cackle. Sometimes she really didn't go all the way with the stereotype. For a few seconds she fell completely silent as she debated if she wanted to ask her question or not.

"That seems simple enough. It's mostly what I try to do. Sometimes I throw out something shocking that distracts them completely from the entire conversation. It makes it easier to put them on edge." That definitely seemed like a shitty way to go about things. "What about when they're happy? Or when they express concern for you."

Jacob wouldn't deny the torture that was supplied by the Disney corporation. Luckily there weren't such garish movies in a city with such limited technology.

He next question was difficult. He thought that he felt happy from time to time but it was more like a sense of relief and a lack of paranoia. It was hard to tell if it was happiness when he couldn't remember a basis of comparison. "For me, I think of happy as feeling safe. If you feel that way you just do want you want." Jacob enjoyed making Yuki blush because he finds it cute or just forgetting about all of the annoying things that collect at the back of the mind. "If it's someone who's accepted you. I don't think you need to act anymore. Just be you because I think that matters more. Even if you are a horrible person."

Jacob didn't always follow this advice but he hoped one day that he'd be able to completely be himself around others. "If they're concerned, just accept it. Whatever you feel or not. Even if you can't understand it. Accept that they care and thank them." He shrugged. "It's a compliment. If someone cares enough."

"Safe..." she shook her head. "I cannot remember feeling safe." Perhaps when she was younger and had been with Piotr she had felt that way. That felt like an eternity ago though and in some ways it was. Time travel had the effect of messing with ones perception of time itself. "Some would say a terrible person doesn't deserve to feel safe." Especially if said terrible person had taken the safety of others. Which was the implication that she let linger in the air for a few seconds before she spoke again.

"Have you found someone like that?" There was a strange tilt of curiosity to her tone with the question. One that even almost surprised her. "Only an idiot would care enough to ignore terrible things because they cared."

Jacob shrugged. "I don't really care what some people say." It took his distant childhood memories to recall that feeling of safety and while its never an exact replica of the feeling, it's close enough to ease Jacob's worry. Memories were rarely accurate and so Jacob relied on his perception. It was the closest thing to truth that he knew.

"Maybe." He grinned a bit. "I'm getting there."

"Maybe, hm?" she shook her head. "Perhaps I will get there someday." Probably not.

"Fingers crossed." Jacob whispered, more to himself than Illyana.

"If you want company in your isolation let me know. I'll be collecting and attempting to destroy any crystals I find." He didn't think that Illyana was one for long goodbyes, so he lifted his hand in a friendly wave before turning and slowly walking back the way he'd come.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Lets Make a Deal

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject