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In Russian folklore we have a tale of a being known as Koschei the Deathless. [ Such a strong name requires a dramatic pause before she continues on. ]

One particular tale, Tsarevich Petr and the Wizard, goes as such: once upon a time the beloved wife of Tsar Bel-Belianin was abducted by the vile Koschei. This wizard was known as a terribly frightening foe as he had cast a spell upon himself that prevented himself from being killed. You see, he had the brilliant idea to separate his soul from his body and hide in nested objects. In this particular tale his soul was in an egg, in a duck, in a hare, nested in a hollowed log.

Seems like a needlessly complicated path to immortality if you ask me. One with some very obvious flaws. [ She thinks this story is stupid. ]

Well, the sons of Tsar Bel-Belianin went to rescue their beloved mother. Only one was able to trick him into tell him of this nested soul and he ventured out find the egg. Once in his possession he found the wizard and then smashed the egg in front of him, kill him instantly.

[ And thus ended his reign of terror. ]

There are many variations of the story, he's something of an archetypal villain where I'm from. Generic if you ask me. He's always on the search for an eternal bride.

[ But there it is, her story that she was forced to tell. ]

Strange...well, if I disappear you'll know what happened. [ She sighs. She better not though. ] Should we all play truth or dare next?

[ ooc: Not too long after posting this she'll be kidnapped and talking from there. ]

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But you've never had the first hand experience. Why push that luck? [ Unless he'd died and not told her. In which case she might be a tiny bit irritated. Not that she felt entitled to know every detail of his life but...

okay, no just that. She felt entitled to know. At least with a topic like that! ]

You need to find his soul before coming here. If you free me and we don't have it he'll just keep coming back. I've found enough zombies. [ Why was her life so weird? ]

[ That was the problem with Waver, though. As much as he liked to talk sometimes… He kept the important details, the ones specifically about his life, under wraps until he was cornered and confronted by someone directly about the truth. So, he brushed off the question in favour of going over the plan.

Sorry, Illyana. As smart as he is, he’s an idiot sometimes. ]

Yes, I figured that much based on your story. We know he probably hid it nearby enough to protect it if he suspected someone meddling. So, I’ll avoid getting too close to where you are, and focus on searching the general area for something fitting the description of his stupid hiding place within a hiding place. Then we’ll destroy it within his line of sight, right?

[ Which was why, upon coming across the most recent residual traces of magic, he looked for signs of a similar trace that might indicate a clue to the hiding place. ]

You make it sound easier than it'll end up being. [ Everything always was. Everything seemed like it'd just be a few easy steps until you started doing it, then it all went wrong. That was basically the X-Men way.

She sighs. ]

Do you have a way to find where he's hidden it?

Probably, yeah… But it’s still doable.

[ Or he was going to be stubborn about this and see it through, regardless. ]

I might. I’m going to see if I can’t find some more residual traces like the path I’ve been following. Then I’ll narrow it down to checking things that would fit other things of the appropriate size inside them.

[ Logs weren’t that hard to spot, after all. Failing logs, then empty refuse bins and crates, perhaps? Hmm… He turns those ideas over in his head as he begins the search as he tosses another small handful of dust and watches for any faint tracks. ]

[ She heaves a sigh. It's a pretty overdramatic sigh too, clearly something that she was doing on purpose for the drama of it. Not that she isn't irritated at having to rely on someone like this. ]

Good luck I suppose. Hope you don't get eaten somewhere along the way.

[ Waver rolled his eyes at the overdramatic, exaggerated sigh over the line. Illyana could be irritated with him all she liked, but he wasn’t going to just leave her to her fate.]

Thanks for that.

[ He didn’t get eaten by his story last week, so he’s probably due. ]

I’m going to focus on finding that soul, but if your situation changes, tell me. I’ll let you know when I’ve got something.

[ And the mage falls silent, checking whatever seemed like a decent hiding place for something the size of a hare. It takes him longer than he’d have liked for it to… But eventually he nudged a hollow log that seemed recently disturbed and crouched to peer inside. ]

Fine. [ But not fine. She's annoyed. A few seconds later she feels the need to add: ] I hope you get caught so you realize how dumb this was. [ Logic right there. Pure logic. The most logic ever and nobody will ever convince her otherwise.

At least it seems like the log is the correct place to look. Inside there's a large statue of a hare that when smashed will produce a smaller statue of a duck, followed promptly by the egg. Because that's definitely normal. ]

[ To be fair, Waver did realize this endeavor was dumb, in that he probably should have enlisted some help before getting this far. But time was of the essence, and all that. All he could do was huff at the apparent hope. ] You do realize your ‘hope’ directly contradicts your concern earlier about my risking myself by embarking on this endeavor, right?

[ Because of course the man was going to question her logic.

He breathes a small sigh of relief to see the statue. Both because it meant the search was at an end, and because breaking a statue was easier than performing an impromptu necropsy that involved several layers. ]

I think I got something, looks like a statue.

[ Reaching in, he dragged the large hare statue out of the log and turned it over lightly, observing the surface and gauging its thickness. It definitely didn’t seem too solid, but it had enough heft to it that it probably had something inside it. Musing to himself, he considered just dropping it. But they needed to break the egg in front of Koschei so he didn’t want to risk mucking that up before he’d even got there… So he set the statue down and held its base as he aimed a hand to fire a magic bullet at it to crack the surface and break the layer away with his hand afterward to see if the duck was indeed underneath. ]

Right, definitely an absurd nesting doll. Got a hare and a duck inside.

[ Someday he was going to have to think about the fact that he’d said weirder things than that. ]

[ There's some degree of relief in hearing that he'd actually found it. Of course, there was also a tiny smidgen (maybe more than a tiny) bit of frustration. Was she actually going to be rescued by him of all people from a story she'd told? She'd never hear the end of it. It was bad enough being rescued by anyone at all.

Yet she was probably going to have to accept this. ]

Good. Then if you can get down to me and get me out we can smash it when he shows back up to recapture me. Preferably before he beats you back and moves on with a ceremony to make me his trophy wife.

[ ‘Him of all people,’ welcome to the very exclusive club of people who’ve had to come to think the same as the barely functional magus dealt with problems that far greater mages caused in the first place. It would, of course, come to a surprise to her that he probably wouldn’t hold it over her head… Though while he would refrain from rubbing it in, he would probably find her annoyance vaguely satisfying given how often he was the annoyed one. It was the little things in life, and all.

Making short work of the hare and the duck statue with a few more shots, he fished the egg out carefully and tucked it in his pocket that was connected to an imaginary space for safekeeping until it was time to break it. ]

Right. I shouldn’t be long… I kept an eye on the original trail while I was looking. Just give me a few minutes to retrace my steps.

[ Waver refrains from saying ‘If they’re lucky, he won’t notice him approaching until after they met up’ because that was just tempting fate at this point. The mage didn’t need to be doing that further this week…

Following the original trail, he keeps an eye out for a building or space that looked like it hadn’t seen use in a while that would have a musty old basement by her description. When Waver approaches, he looks carefully for signs of either magical security or someone waiting to cut him off. ]

[ In her own world Illyana was feared, sometimes even respected. Mostly feared though. Both for her abilities and her unpredictable nature (maybe it was mostly that). She'd needed help there, but to be fair she hated it then too. Besides, that help was always something she put the motions into. They helped because she'd designed it that way. Or so she told herself.

This was different. This was needing to be helped by someone that jumped at her teleporting. More than that though, it was being helped by someone that could actually get killed easily. It was like he just completely stopped caring about that.

She was going to have words about that.

When he got there he'd find there was a small building, something that looked like a one room home for a groundskeeper that had seen better days. Though it's protected by a barrier that cause a nasty jolt to anyone that tries to open the door to the basement. There are three sigils around the building on the ground that are keep the barrier up, Illyana would be depressed to know how lame the thing keeping her from teleporting out actually was. ]

[ Waver had, in fact, mostly stopped caring about the potential outcome if he slipped up or got particularly unlucky. Not that he wanted to die (again, if that was the case)…! But he also didn’t like the idea of watching Illyana end up tied to someone in such a way… If not dying herself should it all go south. He’d watched far too many people die in his life and been unable to do anything about it.

So, if he could do something now? He would and accept the consequences.

Because, as much as he complained about her. As much as she annoyed him… He did care, deep down, as he did for anyone who’d become a weird focal point in his life.

Arriving at the small home, he carefully looked for signs of life. Of someone being there that might react poorly to an invasion… But saw nothing to start, not that it meant anything. Anyone versed in magic, and trying to protect something, would have some kind of security measure in place… Especially if Illyana found herself unable to teleport or escape on her own. So, he made a quick search of the small property, tracking down the sigils and tracing their energy lightly. Definitely a ward of some nature, not entirely unlike the kind he was used to working with.

A small blessing.

But also a potential problem. Waver knew that some wards being crossed let alone tampered with might trip off a mental alarm for Mr. Deathless Asshole and bring him down on their heads… So they’d have to do this fast. Destroying the sigils was easy, but doing so knowing a timer might be counting down was unsettling. The mage didn’t take long to hurry back inside and throw open the basement door. ]

Illyana? You down there?

[ He peered into the dim, musty basement. His tone was a bit tense and rushed. ]

About time. Took you long enough. [ She shouted through the darkness as she made her way closer to where his voice had come from. There was probably something ironic about her saying that when she'd done nothing but discourage him the entire time. Yet she just couldn't help herself. If she wasn't giving him a hard time how would he know it was really her?

See, she had very sound logic. Logic that nobody could possibly question. She finally appeared in view and started out, stretching dramatically as she came out. ]

It was so musty in there and cramped.

[ It really wasn't but she was going to pretend it was. ]

So sorry for not knowing exactly where the egg was hidden by your insane kidnapper.

[ He responded with a roll of his eyes at the comment, sarcasm evident in his tone as she joined him. Honestly, it was something of a relief to hear it. If she had been all quiet and sullen, then he would have been worried something had happened.

Not that he’d admit her logic was sound, nope. He didn’t want it going to her head or anything, of course. ]

Basements in old abandoned houses usually are.

[ He closed the door behind her and glanced around. Dipping into his pocket connected to the imaginary space to find the egg again. ]

I don’t expect our friend to be long. He had a ward set up around the house I had to destroy to get you out… If it’s anything like the bounded fields I use, he’ll probably know it’s been deactivated. You want to do this outside where we have more space, or in here?

I'll be generous and accept your apology, for now.

[ Wasn't that kind of her? The visible smirk on her face made it obvious that she certainly thought it was the most kind thing she could have ever possibly done. He brought these things on himself, at least that's precisely what she'd say. ]

Outside. [ So, she walked out, back into the graveyard itself and let out a deep sigh as she stretched more. ]

Even the graveyard smells better than it did in there. At least....[ Before she could say something witty a frustrated howl could be heard echoing from inside her former cage. ]

Guess he came back. [ She sounded more amused than she should. Just as she said that the wizard from her story walked through the exit she'd just taken, coming face to face with both of them. He was a shriveled but imposing figure, looking almost exactly like Rasputin from the Anastasia animated movie. He pointed a bony finger at Waver ]

You dare steal my bride? [ His shaky voice had a strong Russian accent. ]

Nope, no brides have been stole here. [ Illyana said with a grin. ] But we do have an eggcellent surprise for you. [ Oh yeah, she's proud of that. ]

I’ll take what I can get. [ He huffed at the ‘for now,’ because even he would agree he tended to bring things on himself. Waver was the one who insisted on getting involved, despite her wanting him not to. So he followed her outside with a quick step, opening his mouth to respond lightly when the howl cut off her words and his own. ]

Figured he would. [ It was just like clockwork; something was wrong in the wizard’s domain, so of course he’d check it out.

The question gets an indignant sigh, though, and a roll of his eyes. This guy looked like he already had one foot in the grave for someone called ‘the deathless,’ it was clear whatever made him so didn’t keep him from wasting away. ] Even if there were, I’m afraid brides are not among the things I’m keen to pick up.

[ His eyes glancing sidelong with a ‘really?’ at the horrible pun before he continued, plucking the egg from the space in his pocket to hold aloft.. ] Picking up things of significant magical value left carelessly around; however, I admit I’m prone to.

[ He activated his circuits and applied reinforcement magecraft to his arm to strengthen his grip, waiting a moment or two so the wizard could process what he was being shown to ensure they filled the ‘destroy the egg in front of him’ condition. ]

I think this only has value to the right person, though. Better off destroyed, I think.

I thought you would. [ She smirked, clearly meaning that in some way that wasn't at all innocent. More like it was just another entry in her joke book, because she just had to make a joke out of everything she could. And right now she had to make as many jokes at his expense as possible because she was being rescued by him. It was a travesty. ]

Return my bride and the egg and we won't have to have any problems.

[ His eyes widened, clearly fully aware of what it was that Waver had. He stepped forward hesitantly, holding out his hands as if he thought they'd just give it over. ]

I mean her no harm, we'll have a wonderful life here if you let us.

A wonderful life of servitude to an evil wizard. Been there, done that, I'm good!

[ She turned to Waver ]

Smash it!

[ Waver rolled his eyes again, either at Illyana’s comment or Mr. Deathless Wizard, because he wasn’t sure which annoyed him more right now (the wizard at the moment). Though he would tell Illyana she needed a better joke book, her verbal pokes and jests were the worst! ]

Afraid we had a problem the minute you embarked on this little kidnapping scheme of yours.

[ There’s a noticeable arch of his brow and a thin smile crossed his face at the expression on their current foe once it set in that he had the egg. The fact that he shifted immediately into trying to sway Waver on this particular subject was almost laughable. Did he really think this was a good argument? What absolute rubbish! ]

Well, you heard the lady.

[ He added to Illyana’s outright rejection of the withered-looking wizard in front of them. Her command gets a slight nod, and his grip on the egg tightens. The reinforcement magecraft ensures the egg audibly cracks and shatters in his grip. ]

It’s just not going to work out… So you might as well go the hell back to whatever crypt you crawled out of.

[ Waver huffed as he let the pieces of the egg fall to the ground in front of them with a severe frown. ]

[ The minute the egg touched the ground it shattered, and the wizened old wizard started to crack himself and then he fell apart as though he were made of an egg himself. It definitely wasn't a particularly pleasant thing to watch and yet Illyana seemed all too happy to watch. ]

That was simple. [ Given all she had to do was watch as the egg broke. So...it was simple for her... ] To think all it took was an egg.

[ Waver let out a long sigh once the wizard had fallen apart. Horrific as it was, it wasn’t the worst thing he’d seen, and the mage looked a bit unimpressed and disgusted at best.

His shoulders sagged a little as he let go of the tension he’d been holding for this whole mess. A sidelong glance was directed at Illyana over the ‘simple’ comment. This had not been simple in his opinion… At least not everything leading up to this point! ]

I think that’s debatable… [ He commented, dropping his arms to his side before turning to get a better look at Illyana. ] Though I can’t deny it wrapped up easier than I expected it to... You’re alright, though, yeah?

[ The question is posed with an awkward attempt at casual concern. ]

When you put all your souls in the egg basket I guess you crack too easy. [ She thought she was funny, she really did. Nobody was going to convince her she wasn't either! Besides, making a joke of it meant she didn't have to do something like thank him for his help. That sounded awful.

She grinned even wider at that. ]

Awww your concern is so touching. I'm...[ she trailed off then put a hand to her head before falling down all the sudden. Once on the ground she opened a single eye to see if she could tell what he was doing and how he was reacting. Would he take her bait??? Was it a bit too obvious? These were the questions she'd wait for. ]

[ The longest, most annoyed sigh award goes to Waver Velvet after that joke. ]

That was terrible….

[ He said, knowing it would not stop her from making such jokes and quips in the future. Part of him even realized he was probably making sure it would happen by reacting at all.

His eyes widened in alarm when she dropped, instinct kicking in first. ]

Shit, I knew that went too smoothly. [ He commented with a definite edge of stressed concern bleeding through as he crouched to get a better look and offer her a hand. Mentally going over potential causes for the fall related to what just happened, he opened his mouth to ask for symptoms, then frowned. He saw that eye open; he realized he’d been played. ] Do you think you’re funny??

[ Saved her, and this is how she thanks him!!! Yes, he realized she didn’t ask him to and he doesn’t expect thanks… But he expected a little less messing with him! Like… For half a day??? Maybe??

No, the universe would explode.]

[ Alas for him, Illyana thought it was terribly funny. So funny that she was laughing far too hard to say anything for a good few minutes. In fact she was laughing so hard that she was clutching her stomach. ]

Oh- c'mon [ said in between laughs ] it was definitely funny. I'm very funny!

[ Waver froze for a moment as she started laughing, the scowl on his face growing and a very long, frustrated noise escaping him at this whole scene. How did he always fall for this!! He should know better!

For a moment, he tried very hard to not give her the satisfaction of a reaction beyond that, his arms folded slightly and shoulders hunched… ]

It was not funny and you are a menace!

[ Mission failed, game over. ]

Since you’re clearly fine, why don’t you get up so we can leave your creepy-almost-husband’s property?

You'll be shocked to learn that's not the first time I've heard that! I actually hear it all the time.

[ Why does she take so much satisfaction out of hearing that she's a menace? Probably because it fuels her idea that she's won in this game of teasing him. And she will of course fully take this as a victory.

She sighs loudly and in a very over-exaggerated way as she stands up and then brushes herself off in an equally dramatic way. ]

I was hoping someone would be a gentleman and help me up, but alas...chivalry is dead. Want me to teleport us somewhere?

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/sends apology tea for slow, body is being the worst

i hope you're doing bettter!

A little, and I miss tags <3 so I'm doing them as I can!

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