[ Llewellyn’s shoulders sag at the tone in his husband’s voice. ]
I would never think that of you, my love. It’s just… [ He stared at the table in front of him, swallowing some of the hurt he still tried to manage from his recent return to his world. ] I can make an awful mess of things sometimes. People who saw me as worth having around, who said I was… They changed their minds once they saw that.
I can be impulsive, do things without thinking and it can make things worse rather than better, even if my intentions are good.
[ He cleared his throat awkwardly, knowing an example was probably necessary. What better place to look than the network post? ]
You know that my world isn’t as… accepting as others of men like us. So I never really let myself be, as I am. Not until Jack. [ The man that he had mentioned once, having only just met him before Llewellyn arrived at the Sphere. Having embarrassed himself somewhat and thinking there was probably nothing there, but being wrong. ] He told me that some things were worth the risk, and I believed that. For once I… Tried to take that chance. It was fine for a while. [ It was good, like this. ]
The first time trouble came, Jack had been arrested by a detective who saw us out together… I followed through on what was said. I took a risk. I put myself on the line with my Inspector. I gave him the ultimatum that if Jack deserved to be behind bars for simply being who he was, then so should I. [ Which Rhy would know was dangerous, given all experience Llewellyn had with the Inspector prior suggested he was not an ally. ] And it worked out… For a while, things were fine. Then another man saw Jack for what he was and painted slurs across his shop window. Jack’s business meant everything to him, and well… I did what I thought was right. I arrested the man- but it was a mistake. And Jack decided what we had wasn’t… worth it anymore, I guess. Thought it was too dangerous. So he ended things. I tried to fix it, but it was too late. He’d already decided he’d rather pretend to not be himself. He was engaged to a woman within hours and that was that for a while.
[ For a while. Before the man changed his mind again. But Llewellyn falls silent to take a breath, considering what had happened in between. ]
no subject
I would never think that of you, my love. It’s just… [ He stared at the table in front of him, swallowing some of the hurt he still tried to manage from his recent return to his world. ] I can make an awful mess of things sometimes. People who saw me as worth having around, who said I was… They changed their minds once they saw that.
I can be impulsive, do things without thinking and it can make things worse rather than better, even if my intentions are good.
[ He cleared his throat awkwardly, knowing an example was probably necessary. What better place to look than the network post? ]
You know that my world isn’t as… accepting as others of men like us. So I never really let myself be, as I am. Not until Jack. [ The man that he had mentioned once, having only just met him before Llewellyn arrived at the Sphere. Having embarrassed himself somewhat and thinking there was probably nothing there, but being wrong. ] He told me that some things were worth the risk, and I believed that. For once I… Tried to take that chance. It was fine for a while. [ It was good, like this. ]
The first time trouble came, Jack had been arrested by a detective who saw us out together… I followed through on what was said. I took a risk. I put myself on the line with my Inspector. I gave him the ultimatum that if Jack deserved to be behind bars for simply being who he was, then so should I. [ Which Rhy would know was dangerous, given all experience Llewellyn had with the Inspector prior suggested he was not an ally. ] And it worked out… For a while, things were fine. Then another man saw Jack for what he was and painted slurs across his shop window. Jack’s business meant everything to him, and well… I did what I thought was right. I arrested the man- but it was a mistake. And Jack decided what we had wasn’t… worth it anymore, I guess. Thought it was too dangerous. So he ended things. I tried to fix it, but it was too late. He’d already decided he’d rather pretend to not be himself. He was engaged to a woman within hours and that was that for a while.
[ For a while. Before the man changed his mind again. But Llewellyn falls silent to take a breath, considering what had happened in between. ]